Against my own better judgement, and that of everyone whose blog or AOK forum posts I've ever read, I've gone and done it: fallen in love with a photlisting. The weird thing is, this photolisting isn't even remotely like the kid I had envisioned myself with. I've been focusing on getting a single girl, over age 11. This is a photolisting for two boys, pseudo-siblings (they aren't biologically related, but apparently desperately want to be adopted together). One is six years old, the other sixteen. I guess this is what they say about being open to the possibilities. I could definitely imagine myself parenting these kids. I know that the probability of that happening is roughly that of me being chosen as Miss USA, but it's hard not to indulge in a little fantasy (and by a little fantasy, I mean spending the last couple of days obsessing about how to decorate rooms, whether to do private or public schools, how much kids' clothing costs, etc).
Partly as a result of the photolisting obsession, I signed up to attend an adoption "expo" being held this weekend. I believe that this is one of the official dealies offered by CPS, though it is sponsored by a local adoption agency and TV station. I'm hoping that since the TV station is sponsoring it there will be lots of people there, and I'll just blend into the background. I've really wanted to go to one of these, but I haven't been sure I'm ready. I'm feeling a little more ready (though obviously not completely, or I wouldn't feel a need to lurk about at meetings. . .) So much for the slow and methodical "I'll work through my exercises and go to foster parent support groups, etc" approach. Or maybe I'll just think of this as an important part of the decision-making process? Which, of course, it is. I don't know why I get so worked up over this stuff.
Friday, March 30, 2007
types of support
The original reason for the creation of this blog was for me to keep track of the adoption decision making process. I bought the book "Adopting on Your Own" by Lee Varon. It has a number of neat exercises. I would really like to start working through more of them. In the exercise here, you're asked to look at three different kinds of support (practical, emotional and activities) and think about how you might strengthen or broaden your support.
Practical (fixing things, cleaning the house, child care)
I think that potentially big issues for me here will be child care and keeping the house clean. If I adopt a teenager, obviously child care won't be the biggest deal, but I still need to be able to get away for conferences in order to keep my job. Some choices for this would include asking my dad and stepmom to fly down (mom maybe, too, except that she has back problems). I might also get Marie and Danna to stay at the house. It is also possible that the Masons, who have raised teenagers, would be willing to do it. The thing is, I really need to be able to ask people and I feel so scared at the thought. Marie is so willing to help with everything, but I don't want to overtax our relationship. I feel like I'm going to depend on her a lot if I do this. My dad would probably be happy to help, but he lives 2000 miles away.
I might also think about actually hiring a cleaning service. I don't actually care that much about having a clean house, but I suppose it might be comforting if everything else were feeling a bit disasterous.
Emotional (somone to talk to and share your feelings with)
I feel pretty lucky in this regard. I've got Marie locally, who is always up for a little emotional support, as well as Danna and Wendy. They will probably not only listen to me whine, but occassionally bake me cookies. The problem is, again, that I don't always like to rely too much on other people (an emerging theme? something to work on? I guess that's what this whole journaling thing is supposed to be about!) I'm pretty close to both my parents and my mom is used to having my sister call in tears--she counts on me to be the rock, but surely she could put up with a little stress from the eldest. She's also really good at working with kids with special needs, so she could be a good source for parenting tips. Sofi and Christina and Zibby would make really good phone sources of emotional support. So, emotional: probably not going to need to do too much (except with regard to making use of the excellent resources I have available!)
Activities (someone to share activites with, either with or without your child)
This is certainly not a problem for me without a child, as I have a good number of friends. My big concern is whether my friends will have any interest in hanging out with a kid. Marie is enthused about the concept of me adopting, so I think I can count on her and Pete for some hang-out time at the lake, barbeques, etc, but I sort of worry that they'll tire of it. Wendy gets along okay with her nieces and nephew, but it isn't like she seeks out the company of children here. I don't know if she and Peter2 would be into hanging out in a new household with kids. I guess Liz does Sunday School, so she must like teens okay. Maybe this wouldn't really be as bad as I think? I guess it would depend on behavioral problems of any kid I might have. Of course, the big problem is that my friends don't have kids, and thus it isn't like my (future, potential) children would have anyone to hang out with at such gatherings. The friendly acquaintances I have who have kids don't necessarily have kids I like a lot and/or kids who are the age I'm looking to adopt. Maybe Phaedra down the street? I think her son is 13, and I like them a lot. Also, maybe Mathieu's family? He has really nice kids. Perhaps I should work on cultivating those relationships a little more. Also, maybe start going to the local UU church? I wish I believed in god, so that I could go to the Episcoplian church that's two blocks away. The nicest people go there.
Practical (fixing things, cleaning the house, child care)
I think that potentially big issues for me here will be child care and keeping the house clean. If I adopt a teenager, obviously child care won't be the biggest deal, but I still need to be able to get away for conferences in order to keep my job. Some choices for this would include asking my dad and stepmom to fly down (mom maybe, too, except that she has back problems). I might also get Marie and Danna to stay at the house. It is also possible that the Masons, who have raised teenagers, would be willing to do it. The thing is, I really need to be able to ask people and I feel so scared at the thought. Marie is so willing to help with everything, but I don't want to overtax our relationship. I feel like I'm going to depend on her a lot if I do this. My dad would probably be happy to help, but he lives 2000 miles away.
I might also think about actually hiring a cleaning service. I don't actually care that much about having a clean house, but I suppose it might be comforting if everything else were feeling a bit disasterous.
Emotional (somone to talk to and share your feelings with)
I feel pretty lucky in this regard. I've got Marie locally, who is always up for a little emotional support, as well as Danna and Wendy. They will probably not only listen to me whine, but occassionally bake me cookies. The problem is, again, that I don't always like to rely too much on other people (an emerging theme? something to work on? I guess that's what this whole journaling thing is supposed to be about!) I'm pretty close to both my parents and my mom is used to having my sister call in tears--she counts on me to be the rock, but surely she could put up with a little stress from the eldest. She's also really good at working with kids with special needs, so she could be a good source for parenting tips. Sofi and Christina and Zibby would make really good phone sources of emotional support. So, emotional: probably not going to need to do too much (except with regard to making use of the excellent resources I have available!)
Activities (someone to share activites with, either with or without your child)
This is certainly not a problem for me without a child, as I have a good number of friends. My big concern is whether my friends will have any interest in hanging out with a kid. Marie is enthused about the concept of me adopting, so I think I can count on her and Pete for some hang-out time at the lake, barbeques, etc, but I sort of worry that they'll tire of it. Wendy gets along okay with her nieces and nephew, but it isn't like she seeks out the company of children here. I don't know if she and Peter2 would be into hanging out in a new household with kids. I guess Liz does Sunday School, so she must like teens okay. Maybe this wouldn't really be as bad as I think? I guess it would depend on behavioral problems of any kid I might have. Of course, the big problem is that my friends don't have kids, and thus it isn't like my (future, potential) children would have anyone to hang out with at such gatherings. The friendly acquaintances I have who have kids don't necessarily have kids I like a lot and/or kids who are the age I'm looking to adopt. Maybe Phaedra down the street? I think her son is 13, and I like them a lot. Also, maybe Mathieu's family? He has really nice kids. Perhaps I should work on cultivating those relationships a little more. Also, maybe start going to the local UU church? I wish I believed in god, so that I could go to the Episcoplian church that's two blocks away. The nicest people go there.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)