Today was my second day of class! I appreciate that they're trying to get it all squashed into just a few weeks, but this schedule is kind of killing me. At the end of class, she said something about class on Saturday and I was filled with a bit of a feeling of dread. I know this is ostensibly important, but I don't want to drive down there again in less than 36 hours (whine, whine, whine--I know that parenting will present bigger challenges than getting to a silly meeting at 9AM on a Saturday). I think I've read in many other blogs that people found PRIDE classes to be somewhat useless. I've just started, but I think I may end up concurring in that sentiment. The curricullum itself doesn't seem particularly informative, and the presentation our worker is doing is not exactly the heart and soul of coherence. She sort of flips through the papers until she's reminded of something, then she'll give a general review of the topic, and throw out enough tidbits to get people in a tizzy (do you need a respite provider every time you go to the movies? Can foster kids spend the night at another kid's house? Honestly, I couldn't tell you, and I don't think anyone in the room could, even though we spent a good fifteen minutes discussing it). I am very, very open to it getting better, but I just don't find this beginning to be promising.
I've been struggling with the whole straight adopt v. foster/adopt decision for a couple of weeks now. I started out just wanting to do staight adopt, but there are a lot of arguments to be made for foster/adopt--you get to see how the child does in your home before committing and the child has less risk of multiple placements. The thing is, though, I'm beginning to feel like doing foster care would just be too much of a nightmare. Maybe I misheard her, but it seemed like she said that the backyard has to be completely fenced. I'm already making some modifications to the house to get this to work. The fence wouldn't be that big a deal, but somehow I just feel like it's the final straw (this is really dumb, since I kind of want a fence anyways. . . ) The other problem is that I just can't figure out from her exactly what is required. If there were a clear list somewhere, that would be great, but that doesn't seem to be on the agenda anywhere. Maybe the last week when we do policies and procedures? I also like the idea that with straight adopt you have access to all of the child's records ahead of time--you're going into it eyes open.
I did get to do some networking with other families from my county. Networking sounds so fancy--I should say that I started making friends. One couple adopted Russian toddlers about 7 years ago, and they sound so interesting! She said that she had a friend who adopted a 14 year old girl, and that it was going really well. That made me feel optomistic.
Also, I cried about four times during the foster care video we watched. I am *such* a sap.
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5 comments:
have you told us where you live? If you have, remind us and someone who is near you may be able to tell you what the rules really are.
Consider, please, joining the progressive foster parent discussion group (there's a link on my blog). It is not very active, but it is a more private place where you may be able to give your location.
Licensing can vary depending on age. I am licensed, I think, for up to two kids, girls or boys, from 6-18 years old. I am not certain why I am not licensed for kids under six. Partly I am sure because I had no desire to be, but maybe there are things about my house that gave me that restriction -- or maybe it is just that that is what my agency does.
I highly recommend that you try to meet people in your county that do the sort of care you are interested in doing. They can tell you what the rules really are, which rules the social workers care about and which ones are regarded as flexible.
A way to do that is once you have your CPR and fingerprints done, you can do respite. Our coordinator keep a list of respite homes in our area. You can meet some kids for an afternoon or overnight, but more importantly meet some families who have been at it a while in your city.
There are so many wonderful blogs that will help guide you as you make your decisions. Susan's suggestion about doing respite is good, as you get an idea of what types of issues you may face during parenting.
We did foster/adopt (that's the way our state does it) and I felt it really helped us. We were able to get services in place while they were still foster kids. We never looked at it as a "trial" run with them; it was more a formality.
We did disrupt on a foster/adopt child last year, though. That was probably the hardest thing I've ever gone through in my life. His behaviors simply did not work in our home with younger children.
Hang in there!
I'm doing the more straight adopt route -- but there are arguments for both sides. I knew this was the best decision for me right now, and I knew signing with a private agency was the right move. I still stand by those decisions, but it definitely slowed things down for me. It's just a matter of what makes most sense for you.
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